“I am sending you out like sheep surrounded by wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.
I was deeply inspired to write this blog to help other women identify some types of men that more than likely will not lead to a healthy relationship. In fact when you see the signs do not go pass “GO”. However, I must preface that statement by emphasizing that there are plenty of good men in the world but we must present ourselves properly to attract those “healthy types”. In comparison there are many men who desire to manipulate women to their own advantage and prey upon their weaknesses selling them those dreams that can never be fulfilled. These are the type of brothers I am referring to; they are always looking for an angle to get at your heart, mind or body. They are wolf brothers who walk around in sheep’s clothing portraying themselves opposite of who they truly are.
This blog is written for all the women who value who they are and refuse to comprise their values for a man. It has also been written for those who desire to step higher in their understanding of men and seek a change in lifestyle and thought process. Ladies, far too often in our quest to be in a relationship, in love, date, etc we allow momentary pleasures to cloud our judgment and when we “come to ourselves” we shake our own head because we don’t quite understand how we ended up in situations that were never our intent; so this blog is written so we all can be motivated to change for the better. Hopefully, some of my own personal experiences will enlighten and motivate you for appropriate change. I have learned over the years that change always begins inward and we are always a constant work in progress; but progression is an active state of mind.
It’s amazing to me how many men get upset, turn vicious, or angry when they approach me and I tell them I am not interested. Mind you I get approached by all types; from good men, men of God, players and even from a range of cultures.
The compliments typically are regarding my smile, my countenance or they just think I’m beautiful. Some might possibly see me as a prize possession but typically are not a prize themselves. Now anyone who truly knows me is aware that I am one who chooses to build men up rather tear them down. Even when I disagree with them I always try to be tasteful and conduct myself as a lady of integrity. But I have a problem when I am disrespected even after I inform you of my non-interest or my life choice of abstinence until I am married.
There is a key component that many men will not share with you, whether they are good men, or players; they see through who you are anyway. Meaning they see your weakness, strengths, and vulnerabilities. Sis, that is how God hard-wired them. The problem becomes that some may choose to exploit you while others make a choice to cover you and stand firm on their own personal values and not take advantage of you. Deep down isn’t that what most of us as women want; a man that will love us unconditionally through all our faults? But that’s a different blog – a man of principle. Right now we need our eyes open to what is not healthy for us long-term even though it might initially feel good short term. Here are some tips to help you know you might have a brother who is a wolf in sheep’s clothing:
A wolf brother is one who portrays the Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde card. Initially he is sweet, loving, sometimes even goes out of his way to help you; but when things begin to get hard, he turns his back on you or becomes selfish or angry. Or when you tell a brother you are truly not interested in pursuing anything with him; rather than he remain a gentleman he becomes disrespectful and attacks you verbally or physically.
A wolf brother will see you as a challenge but is emotionally stunted himself. Oh he’ll play the role and make statements like, “I like the way you think” “you are different than any other woman I know” to let you know he’s interested. But ladies, he can’t help you grow. A man in position of strength wants you to grow and will take you higher. Ephesians 5 tells us that a man is to lay down his life for his wife, i.e. he is to help her reach her full potential; and he can’t do that if he’s not in position (has a relationship with God) or attempting to make personal inward changes, i.e. his growth is stunted. I once had a bro tell me I was high up on a shelf but I should come down so he could reach me. My response to him was an emphatic “no”, for I understood that the relationship would take a loss for my inconsistency. In fact there could be no relationship because I need a man to inspire me not conspire with me.
A wolf brother is one who is interested but won’t invest in you. Sis, he just wants your body and he’s not interested in your spirit. Some signs are: all he talks about is sex, what your body looks like, even his compliments lead towards sex or things about your body he admires. A man who respects you is always tasteful but knows how to keep it real. He’s not trying to get into your panties on first contact – he views you as his sister, friend or spiritual counterpart first. He will not attempt to make booty calls to your place after midnight nor will he call you on the phone. Let’s be real…emotions for most of us are typically more rampant after dark. Those are the “lonely hours”. A good brother is not going to try to even call you because he’s working on himself during that time frame.
A brother who approaches you to tell you that he sees that your needs are going unmet is a wolf brother who’s trying to get in your head. Sex does begin in the mind first so that’s where he attempts to take you. He’ll say to you, “I know you think about me” but when he says it it’s with a leer and not with a level of grace that lets you know he thinks about you because he cares for you. A good brother is not going to bring up his needs that need to be fulfilled for he is mindful of his relationship with God first and then you. He has a healthy fear of God; and he knows his job is to cover not UNCOVER. He will not purposely take fire into his bosom. Proverbs 6:27 states, Can a man hold fire against his chest without burning his clothes.
A wolf brother is one who leers at you and typically he is fantasizing about you. His eyes are drawn to every body part but your face. When he’s done you feel like you need a shower just to get clean. I had one brother tell me he had sex with someone else but placed my face on her body…smh. Sis, real talk states that a wolf brother is carrying a spirit of lust. Lust doesn’t care what you look like; it just wants what it wants. Matthew 5:28 says that when a man looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery, or in this case if you are not married it is fornication. Recently I had a different wolf brother ask me about a male friend of mine and his behavior towards me. Now what do YOU think what was going through that brother’s mind? Enough said. I told him none of his business and my friend is always respectful towards me. The point of my expression was that I was letting this particular brother know he was being disrespectful. Next time I think a sis will need to take some appropriate action..lol.
A wolf brother is one who is sleeping around and expects for you to be ok with his behavior as he approaches you. He might bring up the topic that only a small percentage of the female population ever reaches an orgasm and might even attempt to see what your needs are or try to tell you what you need. God tells us not to fulfill the lust of the flesh. So if a brother asks you boldly how you are meeting your needs…smh..sis he’s NOT the one. Run, fast…in the other direction.
A wolf brother is one who is always touchy feely and refuses to give you space even when you ask for it. If you have to put your hands out to tell him to back up…sis he’s a wolf. See he’s testing to see what your limits and boundaries are. Personally for me, I don’t hug up on every brother I meet and only my close male friends are allowed to give me a brotherly hug. Notice I said brotherly. I had a discussion with two of my good married male friends a couple of years ago about men and their hidden agendas when it comes to the sisters. I hadn’t seen them in ages and when we caught up they gave me compliments and hugs stating, “Belinda you haven’t changed…you’re still beautiful, etc”. Ladies, I was ok with that because neither of them had an agenda and I bluntly let them know I was aware of that (lol). Sis, often we know when the brothers have a hidden agenda; we must just learn to pay attention to keep ourselves covered. Don’t be foolish when you see what a brother is up to and you go along with it anyway. For now you must take ownership of your own actions and reactions. Stop that wolf brother in his tracks!
A wolf brother is one who tells you that everybody is getting busy and it won’t affect you if you follow suit. Or tells you that you can’t be abstinent, it’s too hard. Or shows you no respect by bringing up his personal needs in conversation. Or alludes that you are freak and can’t possibly remain by yourself. Sis, after my divorce my father told me I could not remain abstinent. He emphasized the fact that I was an “Oliver” and could not remain consistent in my pursuit of remaining a single abstinent female until appropriate time. Clearing throat (lol) the Oliver’s are considered hot-blooded be they married or not. Upon that pronouncement from my father, I denounced his edict and said, “I would”; and I still am. Please do not allow anyone to speak curses into your life when you have made up your mind to do right.
Ladies, remember the enemy can only hide behind a facade for so long. Eventually he must show his true colors. I once had a male friend from Germany ask me how would I know “him” when he came along. He meant how would I know the “one” that was right for me; and I could not know unless I was aware of the attributes of God first. i.e. that man would have God’s heart. Real talk states that God does not send us wayward gifts although ultimately we must choose who we love. God warned us that satan has the ability to disguise himself as an angel of light. It is the same way with a wolf brother hiding in sheep’s clothes. Just pay attention, don’t make any sudden moves and his agenda will come to light. Ask God for discernment to see through his facade. More so ask God to sharpen your eyes so you can see through that wolf brother so you do not fall victim to his erroneous ways. Keep God at the forefront of your life and watch Him fight your battles.
♥ Love changes everything.