Now from a psychological perspective we are told that we must be healthy to be truly intimate with our mate; however I believe sex is ONLY A PORTION of that process.
True intimacy is possible only when two persons with relatively stable identities freely choose to be together. A couple is not really free if one or both is still fighting old developmental battles. Scars from the past may have been reopened when a relationship is marked by uncomfortable feelings of mistrust, shame and doubt, inferiority, and or identity diffusion. Such feelings complicate a person’s capacity freely to enter the post- adolescent stage which Erickson calls “intimacy versus isolation.” Sexual relating, at its deepest level, is a crucible for the working through of these issues in one of the most vulnerable areas of life. Molestation, abuse and low self-esteem from one’s past further complicate this dynamic. ©
Now from a psychological perspective we are told that we must be healthy to be truly intimate with our mate; however I believe sex is ONLY A PORTION of that process. Let’s be real bro, you and I both know we don’t live our lives in the bedroom, although I know a few bro’s wish they could…lol…or at least they would prefer to put life on pause to handle their biz throughout the day when sex is on their brain and they have that urge to fulfill their need.
Thus, let’s try to bring the point of intimacy out of the bedroom because personally, I think certain events, thoughts, and actions are what lead us to the bedroom and that would be at appropriate times and measures and circumstances based on the couple.
This is what I want to bring to the forefront…so let’s delve head-on into this and bro you JUST might know someone else who thinks like me.
I love when I can interact with my man. There’s a certain spark I look for in HIS eyes that lets me know he’s thinking of me and I am at the center of his gravitational pull. You best believe he gets a similar if not a deeper response from me. It’s that intense gaze that alludes to the fact that no matter who is in our vicinity and or surroundings and sharing the same space at the same moment in time with us – they are not quite in that same circle of intimacy with us.
We exude intimacy and OUR circle is just the two of us. It’s that look that speaks volumes without either of us saying a word – – the impression of two people who are rooted and PROFOUNDLY CONNECTED and have DISCONNECTED from the outside world and forces. NOW THESE are the looks that lead to the bedroom (smile).
Another clue to intimacy, is how the person calls your name – in the right tone of voice; soft, sultry, with a tinge of love attached to it. That vibrato voice; cos it’s similar to honey dripping slowly down a warm body. Or honey that is being poured on top of your favorite food, or into a warm cup of tea; for you know that once the honey meets the warm scented fragrance of the tea leaves and water it swirls into the massive dark seeped liquid as it flows into one mass.
But seriously, the more time you spend with someone it provides you the ability to know their heart, thoughts and mind frame. I recently had a converse with a very intelligent black bro and he alluded to this fact…it takes time to get to know someone that you intend to spend your life with; and it’s not accomplished immediately. So clearly, intimacy cannot be obtained from a one night stand, in a rotation of women or in a “jump-off”. It’s something that needs to simmer like a sensual look a man gives to a woman…HIS WOMAN. In all honestly one look from my man sends my head spinning. Now mind you some women are not quick to admit that because they think that there is power in keeping how they feel from a man. But let’s be honest if you are intimate with someone all bets are off with trying to hide from them…i.e. you can’t be intimate and be fearful; and intimacy states I choose to submit who I am to you with no holds bar; for I TRUST YOU.
As I afore stated, intimacy can be attributed to a tone of voice or that special look that moves and or motivates me with love for that man. Now mind you I realize love is unconditional so even when he’s not doing those things I like so dearly as a woman, I’m intimate with him enough to project what I want to see from him. In addition his SPIRITUAL POSITION IN God lets me know that OUR INTIMACY is intertwined as a threefold cord. See bro, how can you be transparent and intimate with a woman until you are able to stand before God in all your spiritual nakedness to acknowledge His role in YOUR LIFE FIRST? Yes the love of a GOOD WOMAN can help purge you of your emotional and wounded scars, BUT God is the ONE that truly purges you. That woman only stands in position to assist you and is aware of her role in your life and can pray you through the process. Check it — she’s your SPIRITUAL AND LOVING ASSISTANT.
Let me be transparent for a moment, see a MAN WHO IS INTIMATE WITH God can be intimate with me for God speaks to him about me first and foremost. While a man who is faking his love and intimacy with God and then with me, his agenda will eventually be made known because he will not understand me or my thought process; but more so God will begin to speak to me. Thus when the warning signs arise…I’m out. I state this because previous men in my life tried to fake their intimacy with God and God removed them from my life. Please believe me I’m not a runner at the first sign of trouble and probably have the ability to stick around much longer than the average female you interact with: for God has taught me to adjust to the man that I’m with to meet HIS NEEDS. Hence as I matured I became aware I needed to make healthier choices. I can be transparent but trust…MY SPIRITUAL GUARD IS IN ATTACK MODE…LOL But seriously, If that man can’t hear from God…he’s NOT the ONE!
Isn’t that what ALL OF US WANT…just ONE PERSON to love us unconditionally? Yes bro, I’m even talking to you…you’re the one who has the rep of a playa because you’ve been HURT. Well sir, God is a healer of all wounds and I can stand in position to affirm that TO YOU! I lived the abusive marriage and I’m still standing and check it out…I’m writing to and encouraging brother’s no less. That is God in all His Glory for a sis is not running from bro-to-bro but standing to reach back to help and teach others the “TRUE” path of love, relationships and marriage. I TRULY AM HERE to encourage YOU!
Bro, women need you to LEAD! Are YOU ready? For only a true man of God can lead a woman like me which means I WILLINGLY SUBMIT MY will to him to become intimate with him but more importantly to BECOME ONE with him.
♥ Love changes everything.